How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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