You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
