oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is this like a preordered booty call?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
