The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
