So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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