eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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