Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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