You really coming over, don't trick.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
