grandma shit on top of the toilet
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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