elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
