my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
