I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
