So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
