Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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