The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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