it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So much rum. So many feels.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
