Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
