I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
