You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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