saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
