I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
