I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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