Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
