summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
