I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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