Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
