There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
