I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
