Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
