i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
