How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
