I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
