Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
