This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Enjoy the penises
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
