oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
