i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
