I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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