Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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