ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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