I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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