Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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