Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
