i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
