Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Who died my cat blue again?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
