The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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