My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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