Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
