The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
