I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Is it because I queefed?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
