is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
