he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
What drink are we having for lunch?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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