Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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