I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
