I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
