Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
